I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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