If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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