Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
