I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
