Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
