I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
