I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
