I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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