I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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