Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you never un-have a 4some
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
