Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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