We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
