Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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