you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
