i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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