Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
