do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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