she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
