So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
