I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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