I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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