Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
