Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
