after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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