everyone is single if you try hard enough
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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