It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
