yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Less talking, more tequila
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
