dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
