never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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