FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
