I skipped work to stalk him.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
