just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
