My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
