I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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