When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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