Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
