If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
