I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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