You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
