everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
