How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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