bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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