yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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