Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
