I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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