i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
