you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
