We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
