you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
