You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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