i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
