just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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