I think im going to throw up on grandma
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
