I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't deserve a penis
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
