hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
