i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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