got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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