was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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