We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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