i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
