i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
