Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
