I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
