K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
