It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize