Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
