How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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