hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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