Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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