btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize