I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
