Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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