Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
