Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
