I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
