New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
