I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
