I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
