Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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