you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How's work?
Spinning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
