so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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